Whatever your physical appearance, the scammer will constantly tell you how sexy and handsome you are. Typically, a scammer asks for your email or phone number right out of the gate suggesting the two of you can share photos and “converse better” that way.

Be assured you can do all the conversing and photo sharing you want to do right on the dating site. Once a scammer gets your email and phone number you are set up to be hoodwinked beyond your wildest imagination. More than once The Dr. Phil Show has aired a story about a lonely older man who found his “ideal” woman (he has never met and never will) on a dating site who fleeced the man out of his life savings. Problem is, the “woman” is a man who lives in Nigeria.

Success on a dating site comes with knowing some simple facts about how the site works and how to present yourself and stay safe on the site while attracting the love of your life.

So, let’s start at the beginning.


A first step of critical importance is to post clear and current photos — and I do mean clear and current. Nothing older than three years. If the site makes it possible, put a date on them! Nothing makes a woman angrier than meeting a man for the first time whose photos on the site looked like Don Juan, only to find that Don Juan is a shriveled little old man. Get a professional photo! Pay a pro to do it. Selfies are great as additional photos but for the main photo, nothing but a photo that presents you in the BEST way will do. A woman judges you in the first three seconds of seeing your photo. If you don’t have the “look” she is looking for, you are toast in a nanosecond so make your photo count!


After you get a great photo to post, a well-written profile is essential. If you are not able to write a profile that spells out who and what you are, and what you are or are not looking for in a woman and in a relationship, then have a professional help you. Most men are able to compose their own profile (and many are fantastic) but some men are too lazy, or they think they can’t, or that just by being a male, not revealing too much about themselves or what they are looking for will attract the best looking woman on the site. Get over it and get down to business and tell your story as honestly as you can.

Remember, you are looking for the last love of your life who is into YOU and is not lusting after your assets. Posting a laundry list of expensive assets is a dog whistle you may live to regret. Scammers are looking for men who are so impressed with their financial worth that they have poor judgment about what or what not to reveal on a site. They are bait waiting to be bitten!

Just be honest, sincere and low key about who and what you are, what you have and what you are looking for. A smart woman will evaluate your profile very quickly and reject you if it appears you are a blowhard. If you are writing your profile yourself, watch your grammar and spelling! It not only reveals how educated or intelligent you are but shows how much or how little you care about presenting yourself in the best way possible.

Appearance And Cultural Change

A common complaint women often make about older men is, “they look so old” and “they act so old”. That happens when a man becomes complacent about himself. He just doesn’t make an effort to stay “on deck” mentally and physically. He thinks he’s living the enviable good life in his do-nothing decline oriented retired lifestyle.

An older woman who remembers what men used to be like in her youth are disappointed she can’t find someone similar today. No, she’s not living in the past. “Men are no longer men” she laments, and it’s true too often. They treat a woman like “one of the boys”, thinking romance is no longer necessary or they don’t remember or think about sending flowers and extending other traditional social courtesies that ALL women like.

The sad thing is, when a man meets a woman for that important first coffee, the woman may be wearing what appears to be her jammies, or she forgot to take curlers out of her hair. That’s okay — she thinks she will look just fine because men often show up in an old tee shirt and shorts looking like something the cat dragged in. After all, that’s how everyone dresses, isn’t it? No, smart men (and women) dress to impress and that’s always been true regardless of prevailing social norms. An aware man will put on a pair of big boy pants and a neat shirt or polo. Look like you don’t live in a dumpster!


We all have health issues that would not necessarily affect a relationship but If you use a cane or wheelchair to get around, or if you have a health condition that affects appearance or behavior, such as Parkinson’s, or ability to have sex, reveal it in your profile. Women may have been a caregiver in the past and would prefer not to become a caregiver again if possible. That said, at an advanced age we never know what will happen to us — and we must be willing to deal with whatever happens in a partner’s life. If you are still married and your wife has Alzheimer’s or is otherwise disabled, don’t lie or pretend she doesn’t exist! If you are still married but separated, admit it! It gives a woman who may interest you a choice about what she wants to do or not do.


One thing men and women universally complain about in online dating is the failure to acknowledge messages. A man sends a message to a woman asking about something in a woman’s profile and the reply is crickets. Or, the other way around — a woman sends a message to a man and he doesn’t respond. It’s common and maddening. We live in an uncivil society and lack of courtesy is rampant. If a woman writes to you — regardless of the content or tone of her message — write back!

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