What is perceived as criticism or negativity is hard to take but sometimes, telling it “like it is” is the only way to tell it. Trust me, you will be offended by some parts of this essay and that’s okay. Grow up and take it like a real man, if you know what that means.

Generally, men don’t like to be told what to do and that’s understandable but sometimes, you have to bite the bullet and pay attention to what you are being told “for your own good”. You don’t have to accept it or believe it — it’s like listening to your mother or Dr. Phil.

The bottom line is that you want to meet the love of your life. If you haven’t been successful so far, go ahead and take the medicine in this essay. It is written as a result of experience. It’s intended to help so read in that light.

What Is “Old”?

Okay, you are “old” or think you are old or have been led to believe you are old by outdated cultural standards. You retired at 65 or before? That’s the age our culture says is “old”. But what IS “old”? It’s not chronological age — meaning, the number of years you have lived. “Old” is a state of mind plus a few other important details you will discover here.

Decline doesn’t necessarily correlate with chronological age. You can be youthful at 85 or old at 65. It depends on how you have lived in your life, how you think about age now, and the environment in which you live now. You are fortunate if you avoided the traditional retirement culture and instead, live as a mature, independent person instead of an old fart who needs help for anything and everything. If you live in a community surrounded only by people your own age who are in various stages of mental and physical decline, then you will likely decline faster because we tend to adopt attitudes, values, beliefs, and behaviors of those we associate with most often. Institutionalized retirement has been your worst enemy, but of course, you don’t believe that. Why would you believe it?

All during your work life retirement was what you looked forward to. How often did you fantasize and wish you were already there, golfing, cruising, playing tennis, and doing all the other things old people do. Get real: your retirement years are designed to aid and abet decline, and most people fall for it, hook, line and sinker. But look, if you don’t like where you are now, and if you have the ability to change it, what are you going to do about it? First step: get a job even if it’s just being a greeter at Walmart. It’s better than staying home, watching TV all day or peeking out of the window to see who comes and goes in your community.

If you still work even part-time, you are lucky. It keeps you connected to the real world, broadens your thinking and keeps you future-oriented. Working or volunteering requires effort and concentration and that helps the brain to stay active and alert and keeps your appearance youthful — valuable attributes many retirees no longer have because the old adage is true: if you don’t use it, you will lose it. Just “staying active” doesn’t do the job. You have to do something that requires effort that is sometimes uncomfortable (like getting out of bed before you want to) and has a valuable purpose. Believe it or not — being a Walmart greeter serves a valuable purpose for you and for Walmart. Who knows — that’s where you may meet the love of your life. Genetic makeup plays a role in decline but not as much as you may think. The bottom line is that the year you were born doesn’t matter unless you believe it does and live as if it does. You are not old unless you think, live and believe you are old.

The Truth

Everyone regardless of age needs and wants someone to love who loves them back. It’s that simple. But it’s difficult for a man who has forgotten how to properly interact with or be with a woman. It’s hard for a man who loses his beloved wife when in his 70s or for a man who has lived a mundane life for more years than he can remember with a woman he took for granted. He never thought about what life might be like without her until he found himself alone, lonely and wanting sex. It can be challenging for him to get his brain in gear and start thinking about attracting a new, and he hopes, a younger sexy woman. Over the years he did a lot of fantasizing about being with a beautiful sexy woman but when reality hits, fantasy dissipates.

The Search Begins

So, where does a man find the woman of his dreams? Church, social clubs, volunteer gigs, senior centers, friends, Starbucks, work, and bars are usual places to look, but if “the” woman can’t be found in those places sometimes men sign up on an online dating site — a place that can be either dangerous for an “innocent” older man or his jackpot of gold at the end of the rainbow, meaning, finding the love of his life.

I say “innocent” in the sense that most people, male or female, may not be aware that scammers abound on dating sites. Scammers are pros who want your money and suck you in before you know what happened. There are several ways to identify a scammer but unfortunately, it may take quite a while until you recognize their slick tricks and techniques so let me give some tips.

A scammer, either male or female, instead of using his own photo often steals a super attractive photo of someone found on the Internet. Grammar and spelling in messages to you is poor and different from the careful wording of his professionally composed profile. That’s the first warning sign that something isn’t right.

A scammer will study your profile and use it to tell you what you want to hear. Do you like to ski? The scammer loves to ski. Do you like to travel? The scammer loves to travel and intimates the two of you can have a romantic tryst while traveling. Do you like to walk along the beach in the evening, watch the sunset, and have a glass of wine? That’s what a scammer likes to do, too — in almost the same words as yours, trying to “mirror” your interests and intentions in as many ways as possible. It’s hard to resist someone who expresses thoughts just like you do. It’s finding “instant chemistry” with another human being. Red flag!

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