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How Worrying About the Bomb Affected My Penny Candy Purchases

Monday, February 24th, 2014   10:23 pm |  Category:   Humor   |   4 Comments  
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Growing up during the cold war wasn’t all that bad. That’s because the cold war wasn’t exactly cold and it wasn’t exactly war. Retirement humorThe cold war was really more of a squabble between two little-girl super powers arguing over whether Barbie should live in Barbie’s Dream House or on Barbie’s Soviet Union Collective Farm — except that if these two little girls ever got mad enough to start pulling ponytails, mankind would have been wiped off the face of the planet.

 

But while the constant threat of getting blown to smithereens at any given moment wasn’t a pleasant thought, we kids of the 1950’s were pretty much able to shrug it off. After all, we had pop bottle empties to redeem, money to collect, and penny candy purchasing decisions to make!

 

Here are some of my thought processes when it came to making penny candy purchases in the cold war:

 

Black Licorice

 

When investing in penny candy, I always made sure I included at least one stick of black licorice. Black licorice came in long, braided sticks. It not only cleansed my pallet for other penny candy flavors, but also, it was a tremendous bargain. A stick of black licorice was about eight inches long, and in the event of a national emergency such as a nuclear attack by the Russians (the only kind of national emergency that existed in the 50’s), a highly-disciplined child might be able to survive a week or more by rationing a single stick of black licorice– providing, of course, the child was safely tucked away in a bomb shelter or, failing that, not quite so safely tucked away in grandpa’s aluminum foil- covered basement.

 

Red Licorice

 

I always felt red licorice to be a far inferior penny candy to that of black licorice both in flavor and in value. Aside from the obvious drawback that it was Commie Red, red licorice was also much shorter than a stick of black licorice – making it a much less suitable choice for atomic bomb holocaust survival. Because when you really think about it, how long could a kid actually survive after a nuclear holocaust on one lousy stick of red licorice — bomb shelter or no bomb shelter? (And that’s not even taking into account the fact that one measly stick of red licorice would make for a really lousy last meal.)

 

Pixie Sticks

 

Pixie Sticks were paper straws filled with a sickeningly-sweet, Kool-Aid-like, powdery substance that came in a variety of flavors such as: cherry, lime, orange, grape and lemon. All the flavors tasted the same except that they turned your tongue the color of whatever flavor you thought you were eating. I have no idea what that powdery substance consisted of — but if you were to look at my sorry dental X-rays from that era, it was probably some sort of concoction devised by Russian scientists to penetrate the Colgate Shield.

 

 

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4 Comments
  1. Diane Feb 25th 2014  1:02 am

    I love your connection of Barbies, candy and the Cold War. Very funny article! Would love to read more of your writing.

  2. Linda Vernon Feb 25th 2014  7:38 pm

    HI Diane! Thank you so much for your comment. You can read more of my writing at http://www.lindavernonhumor.com. :D

  3. Joehoover Feb 26th 2014  10:33 am

    Great stuff Linda!

    And good to see you featured here, I am now browsing this site which is flashing up ads for lovely holidays and cholesterol info. I’m gonna be so prepped for retirement

  4. Linda Vernon Feb 26th 2014  4:48 pm

    Ah! Thanks so much for coming by Joe! And I’m so glad you got that cholesterol information. After all, you’re never too young to start worrying about your cholesterol! Thanks to modern medicine your generation has all kinds of marvelous new things to worry about not just silly old-fashioned nuclear annihilation. You guys just don’t know how good you’ve got it!


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