When I found the stowed away placemat, I noticed that my son is also a Horse. I doubt he knows, but even if he does, I’m confident that, like me, he neither follows nor checks nor has any interest in eastern, western or any other astrological predictions unless, of course, they arrive in fortune cookies.

As a good father, I was going to advise him of his Horse status with a congratulatory email and add an overview forecast for his year from the first astrological website I came across. After reviewing several websites, I decided it would be better if he didn’t know.

2014 Forecasts

Here are examples of what I found.

Overall: One described 2014 as “challenging” and, if that weren’t enough, warned it will be followed by three bad years. Some characterized the year’s fortune as “fluctuant” or “undulating,” which certainly makes you think.

Health: My certified-personal-trainer son would have treasured Horses “may suffer some discomforts,” “insidious diseases” or “struggle because of severe health issues.” One forecast warned, “Chances of accidents run high during the year.” Far from being vague, more than one forecast pointed to “injuries by knives and others sharp items” or driving.

Financial: These forecasts concurred with a fluctuant or undulating year. “Financial fortune will be unstable in 2014.” Horses “might have unexpected expenses.”

Relationships: In a never-ending effort to discredit the placemat characterization, forecasts warned of the Horse’s “need to curb their natural intolerance of others in the workplace.” More important, at least for my married son, one warned, “Husband and wife will argue a lot.” (I didn’t show that to my wife.)

A Good Year for All

Considering that my Mandarin is limited to “hello,” “good-bye,” “thank you” and “sorry,” and that I’ve forgotten how to ask, “Where is the restroom?”, I would never criticize the websites’ English. Still, I’ve a feeling that much was lost in translation. Take for instance the health forecast: “You might have heavy tidings in this year with a lot of careful of mass annihilation.”

Oh, I did find a forecast that I wish I’d found when I started: “In Chinese astrology, Horse year is considered a fortunate year that brings luck and good things.” It probably came from the same person who produced the restaurant placemat.