You are officially Over the Hill if:

No matter what angle you hold your head in pictures, you still have a double chin.

You’re metabolism has slowed down to the point that you only have to eat two to three times a year to maintain your overweight status.

While you used to receive junk mail that offered you a chance to win the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, you now receive junk mail that offers you a chance to win a free cremation.

The clerk at the electronics store points out that what you just purchased is the most popular item among their elderly clientele, so he’s sure you’ll be happy with it.

You keep picking up on a tell-tale “why bother” vibes from girls at the cosmetic counters.

When you correctly push the right buttons to successfully complete a transaction, you get the definite impression the cashier is stifling an urge to applaud your lucidity.

Worrying about your back has finally eclipsed worrying about your kids.

And you know you are officially Over the Hill when:

Nobody has ever wanted you more than AARP does right now.

If you identified with any of the above, congratulations! You are now officially Over the Hill. But don’t feel bad because that means I’m throwing you an Over the Hill party. In fact, I’m going to right out to buy some Over-the-Hill party decorations for your celebration — just as soon as I get done greasing the wheels on my Soap Box of Old Age, that is.