Categories: HumorLife

Call Me Old-fashioned, But…

I think it’s discourteous to answer your phone and talk to someone else while you and I are having coffee. I even think it’s discourteous to look at your phone while you and I are having coffee.

I think it’s discourteous to be looking across the room while you’re being introduced to me and you’re shaking my hand.

I think it’s discourteous to break into a conversation that I’m having with someone else without waiting patiently to be recognized. (I know you’re there; I’ll be with you in a second.)

I also think it’s discourteous to keep on talking with someone endlessly while I am patiently waiting to have a word with you.

I object to the new trend of printing everything (magazines, ads, websites, etc) in grey ink and especially on a light-colored background and in tiny print. Are you trying to minimize ink costs? Or are you just trying to make it harder for me to read? You are succeeding. I don’t like white printing on black backgrounds either. Didn’t anyone ever tell you that is very hard to read?

It annoys me when I’m waiting to get into your parking spot and you get into your car and then sit there for 15 minutes while you do whatever the hell it is you’re doing in there.

I hate paying the equivalent of $75,000 a gallon for aftershave lotion.

Do you know the definition of inkubaiter? This is when a company sells you a printer for $149.95 or less and then charges you $18.00 for each ink cartridge (plus shipping and handling) that you seem to need every time you print about 25 pages. I hate it when that happens.

I hate ordering an item for $5.95 and then having to pay $9.95 for shipping and handling.

I hate having to pay $126 a month to water my grass, another $175 a month to have it mowed and then $42 a month to have the clippings hauled away.

I don’t like micro-managers. A micro-manager is a guy who thinks you should sneeze the way that he does.

Why do so many people complain about their jobs? I hear working people talking about TGIF. I’m happy to admit that there have been times during my working career that I was a member of the CWFM club. That’s the acronym for Can’t Wait For Monday. Many times in my career I loved my job so much that I was eager to get back to work on Monday to get on with some project or other. Doesn’t anybody enjoy their work any more?

I hate being expected to tip 15-20%. For years and years, 10% was normal and acceptable. Now a nice dinner for two that used to cost maybe $40 costs $100 or more. Using the 10% guideline, the $4 tip should now be $10. That sounds fair to me. Why should it be $15 or $20? When a dinner costs $200, will we be tipping 25-30%? When a dinner costs $350 will we be tipping 60%?

Well maybe you will, but I won’t because I won’t be around.

Paul Burri, RSA

Paul Burri is a self-described retired smart ass who feels he has earned the right to say anything he damn well pleases. He is an inventor, entrepreneur, business consultant, educator, newspaper columnist and has been a SCORE (www.score.org) counselor for over nine and a half years. Over his 65-year business career he has owned 9 businesses and has worked as general manager for many small companies and on a managerial level for such major companies as Northrop-Grumman and The Disney Corporation. He has over 175 inventions to his credit, counseled over 190 SCORE clients, served as a docent at the Santa Barbara Museum of Art, sits on the board of directors of several local small businesses, and is currently writing a book about small business. He lives with his wife in Santa Barbara CA and can be contacted at pburri@cox.net and has nothing better to do than to tell his "war stories" to whoever will listen - many times repeatedly.

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  • You covered many of my own pet peeves but missed one - 'background' muzak that precludes conversation in restaurants (because the customers LIKE it) and that is loud enough in stores to distract me from whatever it was I wanted to buy.

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Paul Burri, RSA

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