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Do Not Read This Sign

Saturday, October 26th, 2013   6:53 pm |  Category:   Humor   |   Add Comment  
Author:     posts:  22    Author's   bio

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(Oops, too late)

 

Now that I’m retired with a lot more time on my hands, I find myself wondering about stuff that I ignored before – probably because I was too busy or concerned with other things. I love to read signs.

 

Here’s an example. I saw a sign over the photo counter at a local chain drug store. It said,

 

“Effective immediately all overnight photo processing
will take three days.”

 

I couldn’t resist going up to the young woman behind the counter and asking, “Excuse me. I’m a little confused. I couldn’t help wondering when the “effective immediately” was going to take place – immediately or three days from now?” I guess she didn’t know either because she replied, “Huh?”

 

I told her I’d come back in three days to get the answer. However, I got the impression that she didn’t seem to care whether I did or not because she didn’t respond and she didn’t make a note of it anywhere.

 

I walked into one of our local copy shops and there was a sign that said,

 

“Enlargements reduced.”

 

I walked up to the counter, pointed to the sign and said to the guy behind it, “I saw your sign, “What’s the point?” He said, “Huh?”

 

Then I asked, “Do you also take reductions and enlarge them?” And he said, “How big do you need them enlarged?”
Oh well.

 

I read in the paper that they were having trouble with a machine on the space station that is designed to convert urine and condensation (from sweat, I suppose) into drinkable water. I understand that the government paid $154,000,00 for it. Now here’s the thing. After paying that kind of money, wouldn’t you suppose that the damn thing had been tested seven ways to China before they launched it into space? So that we wouldn’t have to be tinkering around with it after it was up there?

 

And more importantly, how did they figure out that it wasn’t working in the first place? Did some astronaut say, “Hey, this tea tastes funny?” And how will they know whether they’ve got it working properly again? Ask Mikey to taste it? (Anyone under forty will probably not get that.)

 

Then I can’t help wonder whose idea it was to install braille instructions at the drive-up teller station at my bank. And who is supposed to use those instructions? Omigod! It might be for the driver of the car that is rapidly approaching from behind me.

 

By the way, that same bank has braille instructions at each ATM machine. And they are all under glass – so they won’t get messed up by vandals I guess.

 

The other day I saw a sign on the door of a local business. Well actually there were two signs. One said,
OPEN 24 HOURS

 

The other one said,
CLOSED

 

No wonder I’m confused.

 

I saw a bumper sticker on a car ahead of me in the northern California town of Paradise, a retirement community. It read:
NO CHILD LEFT A DIME
Sometimes I feel the same way.

 

I went for an eye exam the other day. The technician put me in one of those machines where they try different lenses. Usually the examiner will ask which one seems better – number 1 or number 2? Not this guy. He asked me, “Which seems better? This… or this?”
I said, “This.”

 

He said, “Huh?”

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